The Corner Office vs. the Cubicle
Since the 80’s, we have been bombarded with movies, television shows and commercials that go over the opposition between the cubicle and the corner office. One has “made it” when they get into that swank corner office, the one with windows and the best view. The wide open space is impressive to us viewers, the vastness of the corner office assumes a greatness in its inhabitant as well, a sort of untouchable,work-a-day imperialism that elevates said inhabitant above all other co-workers.
The lonely, isolated cubicle inhabitant is always painted as the sad sap who is trapped in a job that he or she isn’t satisfied with. No one in the cubicle is ever happy. See Office Space for further details on this phenomenon. Why is that? Is it the mere fact that a corner office exists to oppose it enough to drive the cubicle dwellers insane? I mean, if everyone worked in cubicles, would we know to be unhappy?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting some sort of Communist workplace where lackey and boss rub elbows on the ground upon mats, sharing take-out and looking up the secretary’s skirt. I’m wondering what is so inherently bad about the cubicle?
From my perspective, working at a job where a) I rarely sit down b) When I do, I share a long desk with several other people and c) Don’t have my own computer - a cubicle sound pretty fucking nice. Not only because of my current position, but also because of the comfort the cubicle offers.
Corner offices are fickle, non-committal lovers, they love Dan Brown CEO one day and the next day, kiss his ass goodbye and welcome Steve Jennings and his decorator with open arms. Cubicles don’t treat their inhabitants this way - they love them and keep them safe and guarded as long as needed - usually years. People are leaving a current job, leaving a cubicle, they take only that one “box sized” box with them of memorabilia. There is no room for the unnecessary in a cubicle, no time for frills. The inhabitant of the cubicle is a steadfast, laboring worker. Often he or she has perfected the art of looking busy, deflecting attention from his or her self in a professional and non-descript manner: a quality which is mandatory for the privacy-lacking cubicle existence. Corner office inhabitants have no need for this skill any longer - they are free to twiddle their thumbs, play with their mini-bar and bang the secretary all day long, just shut the door and back to “business as usual.”
Is this the reason the cubicle people hate the corner office so much? Not because of the advanced stature in the workplace, but because of the supposed “perks” that tag along with the position? Cubicle dwellers follow Miss Secretary with their eyes, swiveling in their chair, pretending to scan the room for Dave the copy machine guy, when in actuality they are taking a long hard look at her ass which will be committed to memory for later use in the bathroom at lunch break? Meanwhile, Miss Secretary is in the corner office getting her brains fucked out? Is that the deal?
I’d love to have a cubicle. In fact, I’m thinking of getting one for my house…I’d like to set up all my shit, arrange my pictures, pick out a calendar with puppies on it (I like Boston Terriers) and hoard Post-Its like a fucking pro. My own little space.
It sounds like fucking heaven to me.
