How to Appear to be a Good Wife

Forget about the razor for a minute, I’ll get back to that. Right now I’m focusing on that part of the male psyche that believes pretty food is time-consuming. Women know better. Tonight, I put myself up to the challenge and took three random food items, hoping for the best.

Luckily, I’m a badass.

A can of vegetable soup, a bag of yellow rice, and a pork chop. That’s what you’re looking at. 25 minutes for the rice to cook, about ten minutes for the pork (seasoned with S&P and paprika), and 5 for the can of soup. Appearances are everything. My husband looked like he was going to shit a brick when he walked in the door.

There are few things better than getting undue praise.

Now, while he’s eating, run in the bathroom and do your very best I Have Five Minutes so I’m Dry-Shaving Over the Bathtub with the razor. Slather yourself in some lotion that both smells nice and contains vitamin E. Waltz out into the kitchen just in time to see him clear his plate, and let him get a good whiff of how great you smell.

Now you’ve perfected the 30 minute Make Your Husband Stutter and Drool experiment. Giving it up in the bedroom is optional.

marry me?

L,
You don’t have to ask me twice.

Marry me too?

I don’t know about the whole marriage thing, but i’ll take the food.

There you go bigging up all womankind again paigy I know lots of women who can’t even boil water. But it does look good and your husband should thank the lucky stars that he’s got you.

What’s going on with the Dash man!

whoa?! We got some kind of pseudo-lesbianism here?

COOL!

That looks pretty good, Paige. Have a name for it?

Aaron

Aaron-

Nah just some pseudo-frigidity. Hah. But it forces you to wonder…would I really shave my legs if I didn’t plan on putting out?

I call it Pork Chop Surprise, the surprise being that it’s a can of soup poured on top of a pork chop.

Hey - ready to watch our Sox win the Series tonight? I have to stay up super late but I will be watching!

Don’t forget- in all you do- WWJD?

I hope the Sox win but not so sure… We’ll have to see.

A-
I just choked on my hot tea.

HUH? You don’t think we can pull it off in four?

OK OK I’ll be honest, I’m a little nervous, but the Cards just seem so lifeless, and Derek Lowe has been so clutch in the post-season, and gets really fired up in situations like this (I’m thinking of shutting down the A’s last year in ALCS), plus Manny finally turned things on last night…I don’t know.

I do hope the series gets a bit more exciting, but don’t want to see it go to game 7.

Greg-

Dash is super! I’m going to make a State of Dash post soon, I promise!

[Going to fetch Mike so he can read your comment now!]

paige, when someone looks like you, they don’t need to fucking cook.

Paigy - Your email is missarrow@flux-rad.com right?

Arafat, THANK YOU

Greg,

Yes, that’s it!