Dear Daschel

Hello son, this is just a friendly reminder that your bookshelf is not designed to be climbed on. Also, when you throw your crayons and chalk on the ground, resulting in hundreds of tiny pieces of wax and talc on the ground, I am not able to repair them.

Dash, when you dance to “Ocean Man” by Ween, standing on your toy chest beneath your window so you can bang on the window screaming with glee, it is a distinct possibility that people outside might see you and assume you are trying to either break out or throw yourself out of the window pane. I’ve had enough problems in the parking lot, can we just go ahead and skip that one?

I know you love eggs, but can you just come up to me and tell me you want them instead of getting them out of the fridge by yourself? And if you don’t like the juice I gave you, can you just hand it back to me instead of filling your mouth with it and then spitting it out? That would be awesome.

Summer is almost here, and then we can take Bunny swimming. Until then, let’s keep him out of the toilet and dog bowls, mkay?

I know you love to swing, but seriously kid, Mommy’s arm is sore and she can’t handle three straight hours of pushing you. I’ve resorted to bribing neighborhood kids, promising them candies and money if they’ll push you. I love you sweetie, but one of these mornings you might walk outside and notice the mysterious disappearance of four swings.

One last thing, Dash. Haven’t we been through enough trials and tribulations with sand to know how evil it is? Do we have to dig in it, put it in our shoes, and shove it in our ears? Is it necessary to taste the sand?

All that aside, Dash, you are the most amazing kid on the planet and far superior to anything or anyone I’ve ever known. Every day with you is a new challenge, and so far I’m loving how much you teach me. For instance, when you don’t like someone, you just stare at them and walk away. More adults should do that, Dash. Also, when you lay your head on your pillow and blow me a kiss goodnight, I can barely tear myself away from you. Every difficult moment with you just disappears and I can ‘t wait to see you the next day. Remember all of this when you hear us joking ten years from now about what a handful you were. We love you so much.

Truly,
Mommy and Daddy

That is pretty cute. Kids sure are a lot of work, huh?

Ween is neat!

Heh! At least you didn’t need to have the “playing with his penis in mixed company” chat.

that letter is so endearing and made me want to cry…i knew exactly what you meant….and i hope it won’t be long before he can be blowing me kisses.

oh! that’s the sweetest/funniest thing ever. you’re a great mom!