Vote Arcade Fire for President

I took a minute to watch part of a Letterman rerun today because he promised me “a great rock band called The Arcade Fire.” Briefly, I stopped picking toddler poo out from under my fingernails and plopped down on the couch.

I like them, I thought to myself as I waited patiently through several AFN spots. They’re good. Perhaps too good. In fact, the hype surrounding this band has been so ridiculous, it makes me start to doubt whether or not I really like them. No, that doesn’t make a whole lot sense but whatever. The bottom line is, the kids go crazy for The Arcade Fire. In fact, if The Arcade Fire had been able, they would have single-handedly (well, multi-handedly but you get the idea) saved each and every sad, automobile-less person in LA during Katrina. The Arcade Fire would be much better Presidents, and The Arcade Fire is eco-friendly. On top of all that, as if it wasn’t enough, The Arcade Fire makes a fantastic cheesecake. Why even listen to other music?

Or at least that’s what I heard on the Internet.

Anyway, the commercial break was over, and here comes Letterman to introduce them. As the camera pans over, I see a guy walking around with a single tom-tom drum strapped around his neck like the Little Drummer Boy, a woman jumping up and down hailing a cab, and a singer with some sort of disease that makes his neck look like it’s about to explode. And this is all before the song starts!

Before I have a chance to get my bearings and figure out what kind of hipster I need to pretend to be in order to “get” this performance, someone is laying on a piano, and someone is screaming. The song begins, but I can’t tell which one it is because everyone is yelling and screaming and banging and jumping and quite honestly, it looked more like the scene from a mall food court than a hip indie band. I will admit, however, that they were undoubtedly better dressed than anyone I have ever seen in a mall food court.

I could barely watch the entire performance, and I found myself suffering from a really bad case of second-hand embarassment as it wore on. I know we’re trying to teach the indie kids to dance again, but come on, people. It was more chaotic than “a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob,” to quote Patches O’Houlihan. My “Wait a Sec, I’m Old” instinct kicked in, and I realized I might not be capable of liking a band that makes me embarassed to watch them play. When they were on Conan, they made this kid from the short bus wear a helmet on stage, then they all banged him over the head with drum sticks! Maybe they won’t make great Presidents, after all.

After all of this, I went back to being a good Blockbuster premium member and rented Sahara [click for cargo-filled popup], or The Secret Life of Cargo Pants, and boy oh boy is that Steve Zahn a hoot!

The moral of the story is two-fold: first, The Arcade Fire might be the greatest thing on the entire planet, but they are really uncomfortable to watch, and I don’t plan on doing it again. In fact, I’m thinking of the worst thing anyone could do to me on my upcoming birthday, and it’s probably a surprise party where Oprah decides to “make my wildest dreams come true”, and I fly to Chicago only to be greeted by The Arcade Fire, who are going to give me a private birthday concert. I swear to God, I’d run my ass off and hide. Later, I emerge and my friends and family are laughing and pointing at me. “Gotcha!” they yell as I blindly throw punches. Yeah, I can see it all now. Where’s Matthew McCargopants when I need him?

I leave you with a couple songs. Radiohead covering the Deftones’ “Be Quiet and Drive”, and The Arcade Fire covering The Talking Heads’ “This Must Be the Place”. Both are really good, and they’re just audio, so you don’t have to cover your eyes!

Radiohead: Be Quiet and Drive

Arcade Fire - This Must Be the Place [Live!]

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I frickin’ love you!

I saw them play on Conan and was likewise crippled with that icky, “oh god” feeling. The chick? Needs to stop with the crazy faces. And this was after a friend told me they were absolutely great and life-changing on stage.

I’m sick of hearing about bands I’ve come to like in the past few years doing stuff like pretending to bloom like flowers at the beginning of their set (I believe that was Architecture in Helsinki). I just want to see you play your instruments and hear you sing your songs so I can sing along and do my modest toe-tapping, head nodding dance.

Two things:

I love the euphemism of “second hand embarrassment”. I’ve never been able to describe that feeling…it’s perfect. I’m officially going to start using it. And yes, I’ll give you the credit.

“a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob” has to be one of the funniest things ever. That totally made me laugh.

You’re my hero.

Jake! Where have you been??

Oh Meagan: That Conan thing was just terrible. Someone else told me “oh god you have to see them live, you’ll kick yourself if you don’t”. Something about dying without having ever really lived … bollucks.

Leah: Once I was able to identify second hand embarrassment, I became truly free.

I. Love. Steve. Zahn. If I weren’t so damn anal, he’d be my ideal type of guy. But I get the feeling that his personality is indicative of a disheveled and unorganized personality. Disheveled and cute.

i know about the “second hand embarassment”. that’s why i can’t watch/listen to the polyphonic spree. i used to get that way with Tenacious D, but now i love them (i want to cuddle with jack black).

i have never even heard of the arcade fire. but they must be something else since david bowie recently played with them. and i love me some bowie.

but yeah, i probably wouldn’t like them from what you said. bowie or not.

Oh shit Polyphonie Spree is the same deal for me, too! I can’t stand it!

“I know we’re trying to teach the indie kids to dance again…”

Hilarious.