did i mention i hate halloween?

Yeah that’s right. I hid all of Daschel’s candy and he’s not getting any until this weekend. Don’t cry for him, he had a crapload of candy last night, as I begrudgingly followed him around the area. Surprisingly, he kept his hood up for most of the walk, but because it covers so much of his face, he was doomed to walk looking down, watching each step to assure himself safe passage.

We were with a group, and as they marched on ahead of us at a normal pace, Dash and I lagged behind, considering each step with obsessive delicacy, occasionally dipping into the candy bag for artificial energy boosters. Sophie was with us, on her leash, and at one point I had to stop walking so I could unwrap a particularly difficult “Monster Coin Worth 50 Cents!” (Monsters use the dollar? We’re in Europe, why don’t European monsters use the Euro? If it’s just dollar currency, what makes it unique to monsters? Are they just dressing up our sacred American currency and calling it ‘monster’ so we’ll be scared? What do monsters buy, anyway?)

As I fumbled with the several layers of tinfoil protecting the mysterious currency candy, a group of four adults walked past us on the sidewalk. I had moved over to the edge to try and get out of the way, but Sophie was being protective and sitting in between Dash and the passersby. This is something she has learned, it is not an “annoying dog thing”, it is something I taught her to do - stay in between Dash and strangers unless I say ‘heel’. Thinking nothing of her position (keep in mind she’s a 30 lb. Heeler/Eskimo mix that is about as terrifying as my son’s costume), I simply looked up briefly, making sure Dash wasn’t in the way before returning to the now downright obstinate candy wrapper. Sophie sneezed and shook it off. Dogs do that, shake.

“Damn, she ain’t supposed to let her dog do that to people!” I looked up and realized the woman in the group was referring to Sophie shaking. One of the woman’s accompanying gentlemen looked from Sophie back to the woman and grunted something I couldn’t understand. The woman continued to stand not three feet from us, brushing off her now-ruined sweatpants (I’m assuming this is the kind of person who refuses to wear clothes more than once, or after they’ve been subjected to dog-sneeze) emphatically.

“Ain’t supposed to let that happen,” she repeated, not looking at me.

I should mention: one thing that drives me absolutely batty is this particular method of expressing opinions. This woman was upset about something, and obviously wanted me to know it, yet she directed all of her commentary to her friends, never once looking at me. This sort of passive-aggressive problem-solving blinds me. As the realization of her obviously life-debilitating social retardation sunk in, I started to feel hot. All the while, she stood there brushing off her grey sweats, mumbling to herself and repeating her “ain’t supposta” mantra.

“She’s on a leash, that’s the rule. I’m so sorry I can’t keep her from sneezing near passersby.”
“She talking to me?”
“Hi. I’m right here. Believe it or not, I hear everything you say to your friend there.”
“She’s talking to me!”

She seemed to be in total disbelief upon realizing that her dialogue with her friends was audible to others as well. Her apparent disdain for pet-owners (how am I supposed to keep the dog from shaking?) aside, the continued display of disapproval gave me the impression that she wanted a confrontation, so I gave her one.

“Yes, I am talking to you. I heard you complain but unfortunately there are no rules about pet owners being required to keep their dogs from sneezing or shaking their coats near others. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to deal with it.”
“I wasn’t even talking to you.”
“I thought you might say that.”

Her life would be much easier if I was the sort of person who numbly sat by as she railed on me from within the protective walls of her passive aggression. If I had said nothing, she would have been able to go on and on about how people should keep their dogs inside at all times, and when they have to go outside people should keep them from shaking or releasing any fur into the air. But no, no! I will not sit by and let this sub-human get away with her assault on common decency and neighborly attitudes! I threw her retarded plan right back in her face and confronted her on her ridiculousness, and she had nothing to say. Well she claimed she wasn’t talking to me, but still. That’s a victory in my book, just based on her facial expression.

God, you should have seen it.

Heeee, you win at asshole. Awesome.

My Mom hates Halloween too, so you’re not the only one!

I can’t decide which I despire more: people who do what that lady about did, or people who come right up to you and stick their nose in your business. I used to walk Oreo with a Halti, for example, and at least 6 people came up to me at different points to lecture me on how “inhumane” I was to use that on her and how a “choke chain” was better. Wtf? So you’re saying I should choke my dog with a metal collar instead of guiding her head with a soft halter? Anyways, I digress.

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. Only a person who DOESN’T have a dog would expect you to be able to control Sophie’s sneezes and shakes. Puh.Lease.

Doc sometimes pulls his leash hard enough to cause me to release it out of sheer surprise and then likes to go running into traffic - then he lays down and rolls around on his back in the middle of the street. It’s happened twice. He once pulled himself right out of his collar. At that point, you kind of have to shrug it off and hope for the best.