I Have a Problem With the Words

Mike called this morning from Germany and let me know that everything has been packed and shipped off in this direction. This whole distance thing isn’t new to us, but each time we spend time apart we wait until ten or so days in to really tell each other how we feel. It’s stupid and clumsy, but it’s us, and I really couldn’t ask for things to be any other way.

Because neither of us is particularly sentimental or poetic, we don’t do big goodbyes or drawn-out exit speeches. The night before I left, we spent a typical evening at home, watching a movie and laying together on the couch. At the airport I was in tears towards the gate, but we both stayed really calm (partially for Dash, partially because we dorks) up until the last goodbye. He hugged me and told me everything was going to be ok, and that he knew we were doing the right thing. I nodded and tried to blink back tears. Once I got to the gate and Mike couldn’t come with us any further, I almost lost it and ran back, but I didn’t tell him that until today.

So this morning when he called, we ran through the usual chit chat until he finally sighed, “Well, all the stuff is gone. It was like watching a funeral procession.”

Hearing my husband be so blunt about his feelings is weird, probably about as weird as him hearing me do the same. The entire second half of our conversation was so unusual for us, I want to write it down so I can remember it later, and of course embarrass him.

“Why a funeral procession?”
“I don’t know, it was just solidifying the fact that you guys are gone. I’m sitting in an empty house with a dog and a mattress. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. We did the right thing, right?”
“Do you think so?”
“Yeah. Do you?”
“Yeah. I almost stopped the movers, though.”
“Do you want us to come back?”
“Sort of.”
“Aww Mikey, this is making me sad.”
“Well, I’m sad! And I’m serious, I came pretty close to just telling the movers to stop packing the stuff.”
“I almost ran to the airport parking lot after you left us at the gate.”

We continued to (finally) get a little mushy about being apart, laughed at our ridiculousness when it comes to saying goodbye, then got off the phone. I sort of sat still on the couch for a bit, going over some of the things he said, trying to quickly memorize them so I can call them up later when I’m feeling lonely, and went back to life with Dash.

I love Austin, and I’m glad I’m here. And yeah, I’ll see Mike in a few months. We’ve spent longer periods of time apart than this, but I’m going to allow myself to wallow in this sentimentality for now. It feels good to know that after nearly five years together, my husband and I still mesh so well. I love him purty bad.

Alright, as you were.

That seriously [almost] made me a little weepy. I had to skim it to not start crying like the first time I saw “Can’t Buy Me Love”. (Don’t ask.)

And I somehow didn’t realize you were in Austin. My BF from H.S. lives there. (lavidaloca2.blogspot.com) You should look her up. Although secretly I’d probably be jealous if you got to know her and became good friends. I mean…you’re MY imaginary internet friend [after all]. Therefore you can’t be her real life friend.

Just kidding. Seriously she’s awesome.

you’re so sweet.

smooches!

Awww….I’m all choked up, now! I don’t know how you do it–things feel so “not right” around here when we’re not all together. This is the side of military sacrifice that people don’t think about as much. Bless you all.

ach, that long-distance shit is so hard.

It’s sweet, though, to get a peek into how you guys make it work. Marriage, man, what a trip.

Hope the time flies for you in that way.

You sentimental sap. How dare you express affection for your husband? That’s a sign of weakness! You must bottle it all up, lest “they” somehow find a way to use it against you.

On a more rational note, I’m sorry that y’all (to use your Texan vernacular) are gonna be separated for the holidays (as well as for what sounds like several subsequent months)… absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it also tends to make it ache.

Fortunately, it looks like Kevin Millar is going to have plenty of free time, so maybe he can keep you and Dash company until Mike makes his way back to you.

I can’t imagine being separated that long from my husband. He goes down to Austin each year for the SXSW conference (music) and is gone for a week and by the time the last day or two rolls around I think I may go crazy.

It takes a special kind of intestinal fortitude to go for months.

Man, you made my eyes well up. You and Mike are a beautiful couple and here’s to the next few months flying by!

Aw, that was really sweet. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be apart, especially after what you’ve just been through. I hope the next few months go quickly for you.

Takes a lot of courage to lay out your personal moments like that for the world to read. I don’t know if I could go that personal. Kudos to you, it was really sweet.