Guide For Surviving Austin’s Trail of Lights

We’ve been talking about going to Austin’sTrail of Lights all week, and finally braved the evening traffic to head downtown last night. Not really knowing what to expect, I drove down there with my mother and some of her friends because shit, Christmas lights. Dash should like that, right?

photo by Victor Ovalle

I should add here that we actually never made it to Zilker Park to see the lights. But since tonight is the last night, here are some tips for any of you in the Austin area that might be thinking about going.

1. Hope you don’t mind being herded like cattle! Meander from your parking garage to the mile-long line to the shuttle, then off the shuttle through the light displays constantly reminding yourself that you are human, or you might get a little discouraged. I should say, though, that the guy mooing behind me was a welcomed comic release, as did his buddy’s comments about all of us leaving the Trail of Lights as lampshades. No one said Texans were politically correct.

2. Attention amateur purse snatchers: the end of the line for the shuttle is the perfect place to hone your craft! Ladies, hold on to your Veras! Amateur kidnappers, I’m pretty sure all you have to do is slap on a Santa hat and tell the parents you’ve scored the kid a place 50 ft. ahead in line and you’re golden. Not that that’s ok.

3. Not everyone in a Santa hat is affiliated legally with the Trail of Lights. That doesn’t mean, however, that they don’t want to take your money and promise you either a private shuttle ride, a brief glimpse in to Trail of Lights’ future or “the truth”.

4. There aren’t restrooms in the line for the shuttle. You’re about a quarter of a mile away from the actual ticket booth and people are antsy. It’s not the time to change a diaper on the sawdust. I don’t know if this really qualifies as advice but do with it what you will.

5. It begins at 7 and closes at 10, so if you get downtown at 7:15 or 7:30, wait in line until 8:30 or 9, then brave the 20 minute shuttle ride to Zilker, you’ll get there just in time for closing.

Stupid Trail of Lights, I gave up on your after 30 minutes in line for the fucking shuttle, and the five dollar parking garage Marshall paid for went to waste. I did meet a really cute woman at El Mercado afterwards, though, so that was cool. I’m all about meeting rad people with awesome hair now that I’m back in town. All in all it wasn’t the worst anniversary, and Marshall made sure to remind me:

Been there, done that and said “is that it?”

Seriously. Wow, Chrismas lights. Wow, lots of whining kids. Wow, getting here was exhausting and I can’t even enjoy this shit.

Oh yeah. I think I might just drive down to 37th St. and wander around instead.

HA! sounds like F-U-N.

oh! and w/r/t austin: do you know of baldo? http://www.suite102.com/baldo/

we likey.

hey cool, i just found out about your site from Taylor at gtmcknight.com. I lived in Austin for a year but recently moved back home. I took some fun shots of me and my hubby (who also married young) at the Zilker Tree this year, the first time I ever go. We planned on doing the Trail of Lights thing, but by the time we got there it was already closed. We noticed a crowd when we got there, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought.. turns out it was over for quite some time lol. Maybe next year we’ll be able to enjoy the lights Anyway, nice to meet you!

Im all about meeting people with rad hair too!!! LOL OMG