Top Five

So it’s almost Thursday, voting ends Friday afternoon-ish, and I’ve got to break down this list to the top contenders. I’m posting everyone’s track list behind the “more”, and including links in case they’ve posted the audio files. Keep voting, y’all!

Aaron’s Track List:
01. Masami Akita & Russell Haswell “Testicular Fortitude” (from Satanstornade)

02. Wolf Eyes “Stabbed In The Face” (from Burned Mind)

03. Lou Reed “Part 4″ (from Metal Machine Music)

04. Rednex “Cotton Eyed Joe” (from Sex & Violins)

05. Frank Stallone “Far From Over” (from Staying Alive OST)

Sweet Juniper’s Track List

01. Eddie Murphy & Michael Jackson: whazupwitu?

02. The West Coast Rap All Stars: We’re All in the Same Gang

03. PM Dawn: I’d Die Without You

04. Paula Abdul (duet with “The Wild Pair”): Opposites Attract

05. Jermaine Stewart: We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off

Martin’s Track List

01. Hulk Hogan and The Wrestling Boot Band - Beach Patrol

02. Manowar - Pleasure Slave

03. Stryper - Honestly

04. Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You

05. Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5

Mr Big Dubya’s Track List

01. Martini Ranch - Hot Dog (12″ remix)

02. Andrew Ridgley - Shake

03. Jane Child - Don’t Want to Fall in Love

04. Rockwell - Somebody’s Watching Me

05. KonKan - Puss ‘N Boots/These Boots (Are Made For Walking)

Sarah’s Track List

01. Jordy - It’s Tough to be a Baby

02. Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne - If I Close My Eyes Forever

03. ABBA - Thank You For the Music

04. Laibach - Get Back

05. Saigon Kick - Love is on the Way

Come on people, only 5 back from the leader!!!

You know mine’s the shittiest.

Sweet Juniper’s is RACIST!!

Sarah is wowing everyone with the Jordy. It’s unstoppable.

I’m surprised Martin doesn’t have more votes: HULK HOGAN? COME ON!

I’d normally never go against the Hulkster, but goddamn, that Jordy song is so awful it occupies its very own plane of Hell.

And when you add Lita/Ozzy and that ABBA monstrosity to the mix, well, God help us all.

Oh - c’mon people - she used Jordy and the cute factor to get to all the parents out there - it’s absolutely shameless

Well, at least it’s the first time I’ve been less awful than I thought I was.

I’m voting Martin because he lacks any song that would be termed a guilty pleasure. They are all unabashedly bad–Mambo No 5 being the exception–but I bet just about no one ever wants to hear that again. Aaron’s close and his list is the bravest for daring to include a current indie rock darling, but the willful obscurity of the tracks drops it to second for me.

fuck you, Aaron, I included a song by that pill popping orange-faced towelhead to give my list some diversity. it’s not my fault I didn’t know any white people until 1991.

Dutch-

Kiss my black ass!

Hah.

Can’t we all just get along?!
~ R. King

No, I want to see who is more Afro-centric, Aaron or Dutch. I’ve seen Aaron’s music collection, so it’s a close race.

BATTLES!

Oh, God. Do I dare admit that I don’t know who Jordy is? I’m hoping he’s not black, because that’s mostly the music I know and listen to so if I sound stupid I’d like to somehow pin it on Sarah and yet vote for her at the same time.

It wasn’t the cute mommy factor, either. I do it cuz she’s hott. That’s with two T’s.

Part of me feels a need to beat at least Aaron because (no shit) my cousin is IN the Rednex. But I suppose honesty and good taste force me to put aside my swedish nationalism and family loyalty and admit that man that song sucks.

Personally, I find Eddie Murphy’s “Put Your Mouth On Me” as more heinous than “whatzupwitu.”

Why do I know more of Eddie Murphy’s musical career than just “Party All The Time”?

Put Your Mouth On Me is a heinous song, no doubt. but there’s something so grating about the lyrics to wazupwitu. I think maybe that’s because Eddie doesn’t sing anything but the lyrics “wazupwitu.” 783 times.