Let’s Talk About the Weather

ITT you tell me the worst thing that ever happened to you because of how fucking hot it is outside.

I’ll go first: My old car was a Pontiac Grand Am, and despite the leather interior and midnight paint job, I always felt like Rue McClannahan driving around Houston in it. Grand Ams have always struck me as being the Cadillac for old people who don’t save too good, but hey, it was a car.

One day I had to go somewhere and because the appointment was at 3, I was forced to get in the car at around 2 pm - the heat of the day. In case you’re wondering, yes, it takes at least an hour to get anywhere in Houston.

Anyway, I thought I was really smart and cute wearing a skirt, some little Gap thing that came above my knees, which meant that when I sat down, it was mid-thigh. Nothing too risque, just a normal run-of-the-mill summer skirt. I threw my bag in the car and plopped down on the seat.

I suppose I was anticipating a “hot seat”, but I had no fucking idea how hot it was going to be. In the parking lot at my apartment complex, I yelled like I’d never yelled before, “FUCK!” quickly scrambling to get out of the car.

I ended up doing what any smart Southerner does before they press bare skin against melting leather, I put a towel down on the seat for the drive. Eventually I forgot about the pain and made it to my destination, but I was kindly reminded of my idiocy later when the lady at my doctor’s office asked why the backs of my legs were chaffed and bright pink.

Ok, your turn.

One day I was heading out to play some basketball at the local neighborhood court. I hadn’t had anything to eat yet that morning, so I stopped at the gas station and picked up a donut and a tall thing of milk.

Milk was a bad idea.

I got to the court and their were 3 or 4 guys there, so I downed my breakfast and then we started playing some 2 on 2.

Now it was probably in the lower to mid 90’s and quite humid, as it tends to get in Nebraska, and the heat was really coming down on us. About 10 minutes into our game I started getting very dizzy and lightheaded.

I was done, I couldn’t go on. I sat down and felt like puking for the next half hour. It was miserable.

Milk was a bad idea.

High School, Jersey Shore:

1. Layout on stomach on the beach for a couple hours because I’m embarrassed of my boy-boobs.

2. Wear jeans out to the arcade that night because I’m embarrassed of my candy-cane burn (due to item #1).

3. Pass out at arcade due to my wearing jeans over a severe sunburn.

4. Wake up on arcade floor with about 50 people looking down at me.

In the late 1970s it was so hot that I ran around NY killing people with a .44 cal pistol. Wait, no, that was the Son Of Sam. I guess I’ve done some crazy stuff, but it would just seem like an anti-climax after that intro.

Do you have an lj-feed set up for this?

As a 12-year-old, I tried to speed up the tanning process on a summer day in Seattle by rubbing baby oil on my chest and laying out.

I’ve learned the hard way, in large part due to this incident — my chest don’t tan.

Red Sox game, sitting in the bleachers. Wore a lightweight skirt that day. Sweat *through* the skirt, as it was about 150 degrees, and spent the entire game trapped in the bleachers, as I couldn’t get up or I would have a giant, wet circle around my ass that looked like I’d peed my pants.

Horrible.