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Neal Pollack on Hipster Parenting

alternadad by neal pollack I’m a Neal Pollack fan. He recently wrote a book called Alternadad, a sort of memoir / rock n roll coming of age tale of a cool kid turned parent. The book discusses everything from early morning baby alarms to pot smoking parenting and just about everything in between. Neal is a former Austinite and is so cool, he found out about Rock N Romp and asked me if he could do a show with us. He’ll be reading and rocking out during SXSW at our party at the Mohawk on March 11. But to the point …

In no small way, books like this (and articles about hipster or Grup parenting) are relevant even to those who haven’t yet plunged into parenthood, since at some point they’ll either take it on or know someone who does, and these issues will start to arise. For the moderately cool, it seems as though being a part of a community (whether it be yoga class, craft mafias or music scenes) is extremely important. More than anything else, it seems as though the so-called “hipster” parents that Pollack touches on and others nod to just want to remain social beings, aware of culture’s trends and involved in things like their city and their … well … identity.

For most of us in this category, having kids didn’t mean we had to grow up and wear khakis, it meant that our priorities shifted and our sleep patterns changed, but it didn’t change who we were. To me, the hipster parenting trend is simply a sign that our baby booming parents raised individuals who are smart enough to have kids and still be who we are. There’s no extreme indie sub-culture that is recruiting new parents and making them wear iPods on the subway with their baby slings, and there’s no radical movement to breed counter-culture activists: we’re just living our lives with children. Why is that so shocking?

As Pollack points out in recent retort to a New York Times piece about hipster parenting: “We ‘hipster parents’ are middle class, and we want the same things that our middle-class parents had: A decent school for our kids, a decent house in a good neighborhood, and decent health care. The rest of it is just window dressing, though, admittedly, it’s fun window dressing.”

So don’t judge the book by the cover, see? Just because you see a tattooed parent with a faux-hawk sporting toddler doesn’t mean you’ve spotted an alien life form. That parent wants safe schools, health insurance, no cavities and reasonable bed times, too. They just look different than traditional (television) parents. On the one hand, the major media’s notice of cool parents is exciting, because it means there’s a large group of people raising kids that are bright, independent and devoted to their kids, not to the dissolution of themselves, but on the other hand, the attention they (well, we, as I was just interviewed by a local paper on the same subject) get based mostly on their appearance is disheartening: haven’t we grown up enough to know that making assumptions based on how people look and who they associate with isn’t always actually informative or fruitful? Is it really that shocking that I have a toddler in preschool who loves Thomas the Train and Charlie & Lola but on Wednesday night I’ll be watching Isis at Emo’s? Is it that outrageous that I’d rather my kid listen to Andrew Bird than Barney?

The article that Pollack responds to can be found here.

Comments for this entry

I too find it ridiculous that in 2007 people are still so judgemental. After I had kids, I noticed a pressure to “grow up” from a few sources, which really surprised me. I was grown up, taking care of my children and being a responsible adult. Unfortunately some people are so repressed that they can’t fathom a responsible adult wearing punk rock tshirts.

I’m surprised that this argument hasn’t come up before – not two weeks ago, Time magazine wrote a very similar piece citing Pollack’s book, and making almost the same arguments that Brooks does, albeit in a more condensed format. And what, was it two years ago that the NYT Magazine made a similar claim about alternative parenting? I guess for all of the arguments Brooks makes, I want to ask him why he felt compelled to do so now, because seriously, the argument is old, beaten to death, and by now, somewhat irrelevant.

I really don’t see the entire movement as that revolutionary – I mean, the generation before us was unhappy in their parental roles, as has been outlined and discussed ad nauseam, and the one before that was even further behind in terms of personal happiness. How is this shift any different? I’m legitimately perplexed by the anger being directed towards this particular “movement.” As you said, it’s parents being people. Uh….

I can’t believe you would badmouth Barney. He loves you, you know.

WTF? “The hipster parent trend has been going on too long and it’s got to stop.” ……………………………….said the jealous un-hip guy.

I wonder if this guy’s parents were the ones to add to the comments such as: “Is this rock-n-rock life ever going to fade out.”

Some people’s kids, I swear!

hey, have seen you on virb and then again on yewknee. good read here. and good timing as i just found out i’m going to be a dad. high fives !

blurgh, what an ass, that brooks guy! you know how i feel about all this grup business. i don’t hide the fact that i like to go out to bars and see music (when i have the energy) and go to the “hip” salon to pay too much for my haircut. and i know that i’m radically immature for my age, but i just don’t see why i should stop wearing mostly black after 20-something years! yes, i am the quintessential aging punk-hipster, and dressing my kids in fucking garanimals just isn’t gonna cut it. heh.

i’m bummed that i will miss the romp with neal, but i know it’s going to be awesome.

Tom

I think I’m pretty aware of the dichotomy (sp?) of opinion regarding roles, because I often feel like I live in two spaces at once. Beth and I are young(ish), but because of my job and smart investing, we live in a nice neighborhood + house for our age. At the same time, I like drinking and going to rock shows, and cool t-shirts, and arty people. My wife isn’t as in to music culture as me, but she understands that it’s something that makes me happy, so she’s cool with it all. And she really likes the artier literature, film, and theater stuff, so she understands. But often our friends look at us like we’re from another world when we mention bands or certain books or that I’m going to a rock festival or that I blog about music. The parenting scene seems only to magnify all of that, as judgments are passed by other parents and conformity to boring norms is encouraged. It’ll be interesting to watch over the next year or two as we have our 1st baby and see it firsthand.

hubergal

Just found your site-love it! Any chance to read about and discuss cool stuff is welcome, and as one of those dreaded “aging hipster parents”, I just can’t ignore an opportunity to harsh on Brooks. What a freakin’ nerd!!!

Keep up the good work.

Cheers!

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